April 28, 2004

worm suicide cult

Last week, we had about seven straight days of rain. One result of this was that I mowed the lawn on Thursday afternoon, and then again on Sunday afternoon. The grass is growing like weeds. Or maybe it's the weeds growing like weeds. Thanks to Southern Spray we only have to deal with rye grass and not dandelions or other more unsightly weeds.

The other result is that it triggered the worm suicide cult that lives outside our house. Evidently, their prophecy said something to the effect of "when the downpours come, journey to the big box where the humans live, squeeze through the gaps at the bottom of the giant Two Glass Gates and you will be greeted by 57 virgin worms." Since worms aren't picky about looks, you'd think this wouldn't be such a draw, but evidently, they're all drinking the Worm-Aid. On Friday morning last week, I found two cult members lying on our breakfast room floor, gasping for moisture. Not thinking this would be a big deal, I tossed them into the garbage can. However, that was the wrong move.

On Saturday morning, I found no fewer than twenty worms all over our breakfast room floor, and a few who made it even deeper into the kitchen and den. Evidently, the first two who had made it in on Friday had told the rest of the cult, "if we find out the prophecy is wrong, we'll come back and tell you... otherwise... head in after us!" The rest of the cult were in varying states of dryness... some still trying to move forward, others heading back, probably to break the bad news and try to get out of the cult. In the track of the sliding glass door, they were packed in three-deep, trying to crawl over each other to get inside.

Luckily, Lydia was still asleep and not able to be grossed out by the scene, so I collected all of our new-found house guests and tossed them in the trash, except for a couple of the more alive ones, whom I tossed back out in the yard so that they could spread the word to all the woodland creatures that the big box was an inhospitable place. My strategy must have worked, because we've only seen one or two in the week that followed.

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